476.

 

so? life's been good. like, retarded good. so good, it's like one of those happy retards.. the one's who don't know they are retarded, and they're stoked. always smiling, and drooling.. clapping. you know the kind, the ones who don't have to walk. ok, enough of that. shit's good. obviously, i'm doing well in the Man Department. (if you're dense, please see above). i've got my friends, kickin' and trollin'. my band, rockin' and rollin'. and the butterflies who live in my stomach? they woke up. brother fuckers have been a sleepin' for ages. well? not no more, thank you very much. 

oh? an get this. I'M OLD NOW. old in body, dumb in mind. so. i've been worried lately. legitimately worried, that i am going to have a heart attack. I KNOW. you think that's funny. but i don't. my chest has been all fluttery and weird. you know, totally fucked. so? i looked into it and no.. i don't think i'm going to have a heart attack. i think? i have heart burn. BURN, dude. i'm old. hot dogs and booze shots, you can fuck off. i'v got love hearts, ass farts and chest gas. ok, so thank you OLD age.
old ass fuck. worried about my heart. MY GOD. what's next?

hemorrhoids? chest hair? for the love of all that's moldy. if i sprout a hair on my chest or a lump on my asshole, i'm cuttin' outta this bitch. and this bitch, of course IS LIFE.

so, what i'm saying is.. i will kill myself if i get a hemorrhoid. 

HA! thanks for playing. i'm going to go clip some coupons and go wonder why my kids never call me anymore...

goodbye forever,

jd