486.

someone asked me recently to think about what i want. you know, in life... in love. i didn't really put my brain to the question till this morning. waiting for that early morning train, staring at the poster with the girl in fake hair... DONATE A BOAT. dude, if i had a boat to donate, do you think i'd be catching this here train? ok. so, i put my brain to the question at hand this morning. and instantly, literally in an instant this song popped up into my head. so i listened to it. and hard. and i thought about it. 

it's true. the truest true.

"i need a brand new friend who doesn't bother me. i need a brand new friend who doesn't trouble me. 

i need someone, who doesn't need me"

this has always been a favorite song of mine. (if you can, check the essential rarities version). i've heard these lyrics over and over, time and again. and i've always thought to myself, i could never be the person singing this song. those words would never come from me. and here we are ladies and gents. 

these words are mine, now. 

so, just what DO i want? i'm sure you are on the edge of your seat, just dying to know what's going on in the fucked space behind my eyes. well, my friends. if the words came easy, i'd be quick to share. but sadly, they don't. i want freedom. i want to NOT FUCKING THINK, thank you very much. i want to be causal and spontaneous. i don't want rules, boundaries or restrictions. 

i want to desire, more than i am desired. i want to want what's out of reach. 

i want, i want, i want. 

if never asked the question, i would have never thought about WHAT i want. i don't think, you know. i just do. i act and deal with the result of my actions. plans for the future? no thank you. i'll stay here in NOW, rock the shit out of some moments then fuck off whenever i feel like.