oh shit

damn.

im so dumb. i fucked up big time. im in love with a boy. shocked? yeah. anyways. i fell in love with him at work. and STILL love him. he is the man of my dreamz. tall, handsome, beautiful hair, perfect in every way.. brilliant! amazing style, no really. best shoes and socks of the century! fuck, ok. so i love him loved him he moved away and i wrote him a love letter. oh yes i did. i know. THAT is shocking. i told him (hahahahahah!) all about how i love him. how every time i cocked my head to the side and said his name sweetly as he walked by i meant it. that i thought he was handsome.. how i want to hold his hand. oh god. all kinds of shit like that. tons of shit. embarrassing and TRUE. oh fuck. this is making me so uncomfortable. so anyways, he was at the party i was going to go to on saturday. a birthday party. erin and i were excited about going all week. no, for like three weeks. it was an adult party. grown ups, not porn stars. but! i fucked up my hair, was suffering from lady part issues and was still hungover from my friday  night trip. and so?

I FUCKING BLEW IT.

even though i suspect.. heavily suspect that this boy. this Man of my Dreamz, wants nothing to do with me.. i still would have loved to see him. and mouth rape him. with my mouth. oh well. now? now. i am talking to dan about shit. sad, unhappy and sometimes angering shit. this all sucks. boys all suck. what happened? i just don't know. JEALOUSY MAKES YOU NASTY. i just want to do whatever i want whenever i choose and i want to be happy. happy all the time happy. fuck, you know what? im all bent out of shape becuase i didnt sleep last night. i couldn't. i stayed up till fucking 4!! then i finally fell asleep and woke up at 6:20. shit my dick you guys... that's why im all fucked up and bummed out and dumb. wow. ok. i feel better now. 

i still love dream boy, and i still love dan. 

i love all yous, and your asses too.

you jerks.  

(you know, i know about punctuation. i prefer it my way. fuck: the; Rulez,)