544.

i went to tahoe and shit. i took a shit in tahoe. shit, i think i took a few. why do i always talk about shit. we'll never know, so we might as well enjoy it. right?

 my crotch in glasses. 

that there was a few insta-photos from the trip. i was gone for four nights and five days. i'm tired. i'd like to just sit down.. on a couch. a nice one. NOT mine. i'd sit on the couch. drink some water. plain. watch television. seinfeld. and just chill.

but it's not very bloody likely, is it?

i'm a very lucky girl. i get to do a lot of amazing things, and i am very humbled and very grateful. i am basically doing exactly what i've always wanted to be doing. and hot damn, i'm only twenty five hundred years old. the point? it's a busy life. and i miss my boring life. i miss being in love and being home. and you know, washing socks. making dinner. but hey, what's a girl to do? life happens. it's happening. ohh fuck boys. 

542.

yesterday was the fourth of july

right? announcement of the century. declaration of our time. no matter how boring the sentence, the statement is true. well, i won't leave you a hangin' there. chewin' on your loafers. sweatin' on your balls, worryin' about what i did. i'll tell you. exactly. from beginnin' to end.

the ladies and i went to the russian river. just like the doors went to hollywood (sorry, inside joke.. between me and myself). we got together at the crack of morning and caravaned it out into bear country. 

we blew up two floaty boats and tripped on down the river. we swam, smoked, jumped rock and drank. when we were finally pooped we dragged our dead asses out of the water and into a bar... to take a nap.

 if i could only explain the casual manner in which i sashayed out of the bathroom and held this pose for one second.. you'd be impressed by my superior professional modeling skills. fuck. i just explained the manner.
mind my manner, children. 

anyways. we ate in the bar and drank up some soda then boofed on back to the east bay. i had a nap. had a shower. then escorted my wide load over to god knows where for a bit a the old fire work watchin. a shit ton of youngs up on a roof, blowing shit up. a delightful party. especially delightful due to the good company. the good, tall and handsome company. oh yeah. and i met a lady who likes to get naked in public, and dude who was passing out free drugs. all in all, a very good day followed by a very good night. 

now, excuse me while i go bury my face in farts and sleep for the next ten years. 

xoxo

dahlberg

540.

there's a quiet storm  

that is tattoo

jennie came to town from across the pond. ol' choppers, innit?

so? we drank whisk and got tattoos. all the four of us. then two days later, chaps and i went and drank a bit more whisk and got a bit more tatted. photos of those to come lates.

411.

wedding crashers

more like.. wedding fitter inners

my cousin kyle and his WOMAN dylanna got hitched on saturday. it was lovely, and sweet. made me want to BARF ON MY FEET.  it was... lovely. did i say that already? shit. but it was. it's nice... refreshing to see... oh god. how do i say this without looking like a douche ass butt plug? no way. who cares anyways, this blog could be called Oh Douche. so? ok. it was nice to be normal. you know? clean face, washed hairs.. makeup. dress. dinners, lunch.. breakfast too. no pains. nothing to miss.. just family. good times. wholesome. REAL. what is real? are my grime times fake? hard times lame? no.. i don't think so. i just.. it is like... nice. to be normal. i like it. im obsessed. 

let's take out the trash.... dad.

anyfuckingways. me and my bro ham and my ma blew thru a huge bag of weed. danced. made sweat. went swimming. badda bing? do you guys even read the words? i wonder... i don't read a lot of yours. too many. too much. not enough dicks and fucks. i'm going back. YOU HEAR ME? back to the days of gory de tail. detail. dee tail. you know. the good the bad the ugly. my balls are fucking full. and they haven't been emptied in months. get ya rain coats ready, brother fucks. i'm going to let lose in ten... nine.. 8...

372.

praise him

thanksgiving two thousand and ten

368.

 new years happened. i went out in The City with julia, emily and leah.. and some couple who were overly dramatic and annoying. they broke up or something.. who cares? we tore up the mission.. tore up some idiot kid's house. partied on the side walk, did lines in the photo booth. fuckin' did lines all over. these are the only photos so far, there will be others whenever ball's lazy ass uploads them. I SAID LAZY! so? when i get the pics, you'll get the full story.

 me and samson on christmas. in front a the tree. 

FUCK YO COUCH XMAS.

went on a ten day vacation from work. not like, i took ten days off. WE GOT TEN FUCKING DAY OFF FO FREE. paid. i got paid to masturbate and eat for ten days. SUCK MY DICK UNIVERSE. it was almost as amazing as when i get paid to drop acid and frolic at burning man. anyways, when i cam back my chippy was broken. he dead. fine. so what? it was for the best. 

i was turning into too much of a creepy old lady anyway.

that's my update mother fucks. i've been yanking my wang on tumblr. but this here is my real deal. BLOGSPOT FER LIFE.

357.

oh yeah, thanksgiving.

so? i know. thanksgiving is awful. sam and i, that's my brother. we are native american. about as much as our mutt asses are anything. but? what are we supposed to do? thanksgiving doesn't mean what it's supposed to me to me. it means i get to see all my family and eat. so fuck the noise. i don't care. it's the only time of the year that i get to see these people. but... it still feels shitty. i guess.

anyways. we took some hilarious pics on my granma's camera. if i ever get them, you will see.

white sweat pants!!!! ho yeah. the middle pic... we pulled off the road cuz my ma is crazy fer weed. neither my ma or bro could fucking figure out how to take a picture with my camera. SOMEONE FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT and got me, being the greatest. sitting on a thing. in my white patnts.

STEP INTO MY DISCO WHITES?

355.

me and my ma went to a wedding party and got drunk then went home and got stoned and took pictures with our name tags

 look at her cute little TOES!

 

there you have it. my real name.if you google search me and find out i'm wanted somewhere. let me know. i don't want to go to jail.

293.

HELLO FROM SAN FRANCISCO

this is us. me in a taco, erin in some fries. we went to the city with my house mate miriam a while ago.. and these photos are the result. i either look like im fucking twelve, or stoned outta my brainz.

238.

The Internet, meet the most important person in the world to me. 

my Brother Love Sampson Simpson

204.

grandpa's day
 

me and my ma and my brother love sam

sam the man, granma with a tim and eric smile, the gramps and me.

i just look like i'm on drugs in every picture. 

i'm gonna start wearing makeup everyday. .so i dont look like such a junky.

and i love you.

171.

my ma

 was the cutest child

ever.

144.

Ma

went to my ma's to do some laundry last night. this not was on the table. it says--

oops! look what i found in my pocket, sorry ( the lighter, the bitch is ALWAYS stealing lighters)
there's some delish humus in the refer and some chips on the counter.
Help yourself!!
(gum) for after the hummus

hilarious and amazing - as usual.

143.

a bit more from spring break

video style. s'like you was there

125.

 off to LA

.. the land of T and A

we showed up, we got blasted. kicked out of parties, kicked out of bars. BROKE elbows.
and this was only night one.
(oh, and that's not pee, it's a vodka cranberry)

THEN! we went to a house party. where i made un-friends, got too drunk too fast.. and went to sleep.
all in all, it was a great trip. i love these fools. hard core, straight up.. and then some.
long live boozin', bruisin' and alcohol abusin'
(and, can we take a minute here, to appreciate how LARGE i am? thank you)