379.

tonight? bowie practice. tomorrow night? THIS, so stoked. one of my gorgeous little girlfriends runs a betsey store in The City. balls and i are going to hit up this show tomorrow night. DICK EXPLODED. can't wait. thursday night? psssht who cares. maybe i can get internet laid again. friday night? shit city. i'm triple booked. supposed to be on my way to santa cruz, also a going away party in san francisco for two of my favorite people AND a mother fucking house warming party... in east oakland. well? la di da. 

what IS a girl to do?

378.

a night of Dib

 happy birthings rana and mona

we go crazy, collectively.

long night,saturday. want to know all about it? sure you do, why the fuck else would you be here... you Internet, you. i popped over to The City on saturday night. hit up my mama margot's dinner party. ATE bacon covered shrimp. drank delicious boozey lemonade. THEN, i left. i went to deliruim. my baby factory. to make a call, to the dibs to get the address to their party. shit my dick, no one answered their phones. 
i had nowhere else to go, and i knew someone would call me back. so? it's not the first time i've soloed in a bar... well, i didn't even get a chance. you know the OTHER bartender i love? maybe you do. he walked right up to me and said hey, how YOU doin? we shot the shit, he took me to kilowat... gross. but beggers cannot be choosers now can they? fernet down the hatch, a few fishing pictures later and i cut. i finally found out where i was going. DEEP. i arrive at the party, too full, not drunk. up the nose and down the hatch... back in action. long story short (too late) i ended the night schoolin' fools in the ways of rock. j dahhling, the loner extraordinaire. i blasted bowie, held a speaker up to each ear and sang my little rotten heart out. forever and always, too crazy for my damn self.

377.

last night they loved you, opening doors and pulling some strings...

nye two thousand and eleven 

your tricks with the shower head was kind a cute, i bet you keep your pussy clean.

high on vaseline. just kidding. no, really. we went out with that white girl. you know her. at a certain point, i stop being friendly with the camera. i can't take that shit all night. i start doing beautiful things.. like this. we had a blast, yes. i know waaay down there i told you i'd get ya the whole story. 
but why? do you REALLY want to know?

here it is. met up at New House, my house, drank and blew. off to The City. the mission. went to a party. walked for one hundred years. got invited by some children to a house party. went. tore it the fuck up.  instantly took over the whole damn thing. FUCK YOUR ITUNES. queen blasting, champagne pouring. count down? yeah, count down. fizz fizz sizzle. off to some bars. no. not inside. outside the bars. kicked it for days on the corner. then got all fancy mayne, and pooped into a real bar. lines in the photo booth.... lines on her face. then? back to the party. THEN back to the little easy. to berkley. karaoke city. spice girls and shit. blah blah blah off to bed with julia and emily. cold city. THEN, yeah then. i went to a god damned wedding reception, with half my head on. 

that's it. that is all. 

goodbye forever,

mad maxine

368.

 new years happened. i went out in The City with julia, emily and leah.. and some couple who were overly dramatic and annoying. they broke up or something.. who cares? we tore up the mission.. tore up some idiot kid's house. partied on the side walk, did lines in the photo booth. fuckin' did lines all over. these are the only photos so far, there will be others whenever ball's lazy ass uploads them. I SAID LAZY! so? when i get the pics, you'll get the full story.

 me and samson on christmas. in front a the tree. 

FUCK YO COUCH XMAS.

went on a ten day vacation from work. not like, i took ten days off. WE GOT TEN FUCKING DAY OFF FO FREE. paid. i got paid to masturbate and eat for ten days. SUCK MY DICK UNIVERSE. it was almost as amazing as when i get paid to drop acid and frolic at burning man. anyways, when i cam back my chippy was broken. he dead. fine. so what? it was for the best. 

i was turning into too much of a creepy old lady anyway.

that's my update mother fucks. i've been yanking my wang on tumblr. but this here is my real deal. BLOGSPOT FER LIFE.

362.

i'm so gay for my best friend, i have a boner of love just thinking about it. she is an It.

we're in love. of course we are, look at us. lovergirls. so? erin works for buffalo exchange now. pish posh. they set up a lovely little get together at a sushi house in the mission. we came with a giant bottle of cranberry and vodka. it fell out of erin's purse and crashed and spilled all over the floor the second we went to sit down. FAMOUS. we ate some food, we drank two bottles of sake, talked to some chick while she used her ass as a face... then everyone went out to mint for KARAOKE. 

we did.

we sang bohemian rhapsody. sang the shit out of it. till it was shitless. we went crazy, duh. and did great, of course. i should have put my heels back on for our performance. OH WELL.  slippers on stage. then we left. went home. 

We Come. We Fuck Shit Up. 

We Leave.

350.

(about treee fiddy)

11/11

updated on ya bitch ass

hipster? nope. stache's were fer movember.

eleven inc.

so? they announced to us, that a person who played a small part in This is Spinal Tap, as a mime would be exiting this giant black car parked in the corner. I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE BILLY CRYSTAL. nope. Dana Carvey. so cool with that. he was hilarious.

yep. dana. 

my friend audrey would like this, she'd call it creepy.

my boo, dru. crackin' me up.

shit's hella fun.
(photography by jacob)

347.

11/11

11/11 party at Eleven Inc. fun city. DANA MOTHER FUCKING CARVEY was there. and i helped him get off stage, we held hands practically. my friend made me stand in front of him so he wouldnt get heckled. dana asked me where i was from, and i shrugged and said oakland. he laughed at mimicked me saying "oakland, find something funny about that" how great. then we had a live karaoke band and i embarrassed the hell out of myself. i love everything. more pictures and like a video to come. BA HAH

333.

 

 oh yeah!

on friday i had to throw a stupid work party. each floor had a different theme, and my floor's theme was BIKER BABEZ from HELL. so? i got tattoos and bandannas and we fucked shit up. kind of. no. not really at all. we partied it up at work, drank a 15 dollar box of PBR (fuck san francisco) and then headed on over to the summer place. and duh! if you ever read the fine print here, is my favorite fucking bar. and to clarify, i would much rather get knocked up by the bartender there than at delirium. ok, so there is where we went. they got a new jukebox THAT KILLED. we danced and sang and carried on.. then i took a few coworker's to pete's show. (SEE THAT PETER???) and it was awesome! the frisk in disco are playing with another band.. i forget what they are called, but they were Supreme. i really, really, REALLY enjoyed it. i told the guitar player so and he said, "i know, i saw you enjoying it" great, eh? ok. so then we left there and went to kristal's old house. The Best House. had beers, stumbled around then good ol' zweng and i trekked across the street to an awesome party. dope city. it had multiple floors, multiple rooms.. multiple dimensions. then! somehow my brains decided to leave my friends. the people i love and adore. the ones i want to fill an empty pool with and roll all over. yup. things happen. so, i did. i went to this dudes house and he got me a tall can.. i think. i remember having a tall can? ok. went to his house and there were a bunch of shitty guitar players playing the beatles. so? i sang shouted the beatles at them. HAH. then one of them tried to tell me john mayer was like eric clapton. and i said, who the fuck is john mayer? ok. boom. went to sleep on a couch in a room. "want to cuddle? " NO! i woke up to a stranger yelling, "HEY .... HEY .... HEY ....  i gotta go do chores, you want some water" at me. to which i replied "who the fuck are you?" threw on my boots and stomped off into the street. i walked and laughed my ass off. i kept thinking of all the crazy shit i had done the night before.. a long list. then i thought of how crazy i looked. walking around in the morning time, face palming and laughing uncontrollably.. with face and neck tattoos. went to the bean bag, ate a burrito. laughed, talked to erin on the phone.. im taking her on a date on wednesday. you still reading? im not done yet. then i hopped in a cab and rode on over to my girl's house. it was 11am. she was tripping on acid and drinking champagne. i joined the boof club with molly and we went to the coffee shop to pick up on the barista there. we did. he came over. i fell in love with french where's waldo. did oyu know there is an EVIL waldo? except his name is charlie. he also has a twin, girl twin. OKKKKK almost done... i went home. in a cab KAAACHING! and my friend ballz in the mouth came over and dressed up i my clothes. she wore my day to day as a costume... stevie nickssssss. she looked great. then we ate a cheeseburger. and i was finally hungover. i think it was about 5pm. ok. so then we went to CVS, i bought adult diapers. then. i went home and slept. my power is out at home. and it's awful. my bedroom also looks like it's been puking. blah blah i woke up, made myself into a disgusting dead baby and went out. 

the end.

297.

only a little, and just because i feel like sneak. but, fuck it. those pictures i talked about down there? the ones i thought i'd never see? i got them. through sneaking. whatever. well.. no. i feel little gross. here is why. this girl and i were BEEEFFFFFFFSSS. matching tattoo beffs. then we weren't. the details of this "falling out" i will not discuss. for blood pressures sake. anyways, it came to the point where she un-friended me on facebook. bwaah ah ha hah. so? in retaliation i deleted/untagged all the fb photos i had of... her.... wakk wakkkk wakkk.   myspace status. i did that. and i feel like a turd about it. but i was pissed. you know? you keep up appearances for the sake of those around you. you're nice. you chat. you keep shit civil so that those between you dont feel the blunt grunt of it all. anyways. i really wanted to stop being friends, so it was really ... you know? no big deal. but so, mouth full over. i feel like a dick about it because i deleted so many of her pictures.. and now im stealing some that she took. but you KNOW WHAT? she shouldnt have taken my picture.  and so? here they are. thanks to a great and great and dear and near friend of mine who i have from day one, adored. thanks babe.

 rough waters

 hey. who THE FUCK is that guy? get off my ass.. CREEP

 i was flipping them off, i though my friend dedicated my song to his sister. the bitch. so i got everyone to flip them off and yell. i'm amazing... then it turns out they didnt. and  i was wasted.

 the straight ups, check them out.. i guess

 thats my tongue. in his armpit. i love him more than anything.

 this is Ty, homie homes. and im not just saying that cuz he's black 
also, i'm a gem, arent i?